The 'Shallow Man' Disease

My recent encounter with a 'shallow' First Officer gave me the urge to proceed with this. There has been too many of this type lately and I've concluded that it is a disease among men already.

Now if you see any man behaving this way, most probably he's born with the above disease..

1. See women as no more than a 'screw' subject - Patient will lose their ability to value women for their brains, personality, beauty and the kindness of their heart. When they see eye to eye with any women, 'cunt' is the only thing he could make out of it. Biarlah perempuan tu lagi pandai, lagi kaye, lagi bagus dan ape-ape yg semuanye lagi hebat, die tetap akan dapat meng'deduce' persamaan ini : women = cipap = main

2. Perasan 'hot' - Most patients will almost always have this symptom. Die akan terase dirinye adelah 'hot stuff' yang mane pada pendapatan die, semua perempuan akan syiok pade die. Padahal, hakikatnye yang 'hot' mungkin hanye poketnye saje. Tapi kalau poket 'hot' masih ok juga. Ade juge yang bersimtom perasan 'hot' di katil, 'hot' dr segi stail dan rupe dan berbagai lagi tapi sebenarnye langsung takde 'hot' la. This symptom is very dangerous because it might cause other people to puke when the 'Shallow Man' patient is around.

3. Do not believe in having female pals - More often than not, those who suffers from this disease do not believe in having pure friendship with women. All their female friends happen to be (patient will claim this..) either their ex, their life-time admirers, the girl who is having a crush on them or the one they have slept with. If in any case anda terjumpe dengan pesakit yang menunjukkan simtom ini, sila beri pesakit pelempang sebanyak 37 kali supaye die tersedar.

4. Think their money is license to everything - Boleh dikatekan 70 peratus dari pesakit yang mengalami jangkitan ini selalunye memang ade duit. Tak banyiak, sikit mesti ade punye. Ataupun mungkin tak banyiak tapi cakap kasi besar sikit biar nampak macam banyiak duit. Patients will always use their money to lure women to want to be with them. Kalau pesakit ade sedikit rupe, pesakit itu sangat bertuah sebab kerjenye akan menjadi lebih senang berbanding dengan pesakit yang tiade rupe. Pesakit malang yang tiade rupe akan selalunye mengasah bakat dalam bidang perbahasan supaye nanti boleh kasi amoi cair dengan kate-kate romantis mereka. To the patients, 'ade duit, mesti boleh dapat'.

5. Very physical in choosing their partner/victim - This symptom is closely related to symptom number 2. Oleh kerane pesakit sudah bersimtom perasan 'hot', make die akan mahu bersame dengan perempuan-perempuan yang 'hot' juge. 'Hot' di sini adelah 'hot' dari segi rupe, ya. Kalau anda wanita yang 'hot' di bahagian otak (bijak pandai) atau 'hot' di bahagian personaliti sahaje tidak perlu risau kerane anda tidak akan didekati oleh pesakit ini. But if you are 'hot' from all aspect, looks, brains, personality and bla, bla, bla, you are still vulnerable to be attacked by 'Shallow Man' patients. Walaubagaimanepun, Mr Shallow tidak akan mengambil port akan otak mahupun personaliti anda. Pesakit akan tetap menganggap anda lebih bodoh dari die dan tiade personaliti juge. Haha...!

6. Achievement = no. of women 'screwed' - This is how 'Shallow Man' patients measure their lifetime achievement. Dari segi ini, pencapaian adelah berkadar langsung dengan jumlah perempuan yang berjaye di'screw'kan. Pesakit akan terase sangat 'best' jike jumlah yang di'screw' adelah banyiak. Kadangkala, walaupun jumlah 'screw' tidak seberape, patient will exaggerate the number so as to boost up their egos and also to look 'macho' in front of others.

7. Talk about nothing but themselves - This one needs no further explanation. Mr Shallow sudah semestinye sangat gemar bercakap pasal diri sendiri tak kire tempat, mase dan dengan siape die berade dengan. (What shit am I shitting?). By whatever way, this symptom will cause the sufferers of this disease to not have many true friends. If a patient does not have this symptom, then his condition is not too bad and considered not so life threatening.

All in all, this plague hitting the population of men can be viewed as both threat, and challenge to the community. To me, being around a 'Shallow Man' or many of them really makes me go grr...!!! but gossiping about the encounter makes it all worth it. Thank you all you 'Shallow Man' out there. You gave me something to bitch about!

Footnote : This disease is known to hit the female gender more often with some slight deviation in the symptoms. And I'm waiting for someone else to write about it.