Saturday, November 29, 2008


Sabrina is so going to kill me. Here I am, blogging away when I am only two paragraphs into the proposal. I begged for your forgiveness, lady! But I can't endure this longing for scribbling some BS...

My person now have a doppelganger. Someone who pretends to be her online when it is actually not her. It's silly and funny. And also scary. 

When it comes to matter of the heart, some people just can't let go. Some people find it difficult to move on. And there are few who wants to move on but can't move on.

In order to be able to move on, one must learn to accept. And one must also learn to forget.

The question is, how do we forget? If we could learn, why can't we unlearn? There is no guided way to erase memories nor is there an instruction manual to delete sorrowful feelings. The only best way is perhaps, to fill up our time and make ourselves busy, so that our thoughts won't run wild and flock back on the sad, sad history.

I've seen friends during trying times. I myself have had my own share of taxing moments too. And because of that, I have somehow developed my own procedure to aid me when love is lost, when passion turns to abomination and when devotion had been betrayed.

Here's how I deal with it...

1. Cry like hell. Cry like there is no tomorrow. Cry for seven days and seven nights until you could cry no more.

Once you are done crying, (believe me, there will be a point when you can't cry anymore, when you will finally get tired of crying...providing you really did step  #1 well), this is the time to get up and get on with life. This is when you start doing these...

2. Pay more attention to yourself. Groom yourself more, and groom better than you have ever done before. Not for the fact that you are re-entering the dating market or to gain back the attention and affection of the lost party, but for the fact that you love yourself. And after all that has happened, you deserve to be loved and the only person who can love you best is you.

So go ahead and wear those nice clothes you have bought but never worn before just because the other party thinks you look fat in it. Put on that make-up and look awesome instead of adopting that au naturel look. Remember that you are not Kate Beckinsale or Jessica Biel. But don't overdo it either. Learn from Salma Hayek. She said, "It actually takes me a lot of make-up in order to make me look like someone who doesn't wear make up."

3. Keep busy. If you are not working, get a job. Any job. As long as you have something else to focus on instead of your sorrows. Go out with friends. No friends? Then it is time to find some. Get back in touch with long lost mates and buddies. Too ashamed to meet them? Well, don't be. Misfortunes happen to everyone. And you should talk about it with pride and stop being pitiful about yourself. The pitiful part is over after you decided to stop crying.

4. Start going out with the opposite sex. And don't get me wrong. This doesn't mean that you should be romantically or intimately involve immediately. So relax, chill and do go out for movies, for lunch/dinner dates. Do not rush into another relationship. And do not be too stubborn and picky over the smallest thing at this stage too either. Just go out with anyone. He/She may not be the perfect one, but that's the point. You simply have to put up with one or two caterpillars before you can finally see the butterfly, right?

5. Get a hobby. Don't sit around and do nothing. Build your life. Make yourself interesting.

6. Cut ties with the party who broke your heart if it's too hard for you to handle. Throw away everything that reminds you of him/her. If you are too sentimental to throw them away, stash them up in a place where you can't see them. Stop trying to find out what's going on with the other person's life. Be realistic. Do not add salt to your wound. Also, maybe, you should stop seeing his/her friends because you will likely start talking and start asking about him/her. Which you shouldn't. You want to forget, remember? But if you are sturdy enough to NOT ask or talk about the person, then hanging out with his/her friends will still be alright. Providing they (the friends) do not bring up that topic either.

7. Never give a shit about what other people say or think about you. You are the one going through hell, and not them. Ignore critics and words that will make you feel less as a person. Only take in the good things and rational opinions.

Points simplified; be strong, be interesting and keep on charging forward with optimism. Don't let the past haunts your future. Stop nagging, stop sighing. There is more to life than just grieving.

Time to shower. And wear the feather boa.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Idiot's Guide to Being Courteous

As strange as it should be, I am right now in the university's library. This is probably my third time being here within the duration of one and a half years of my study period in this stodgy-hole. Earlier, I planned to sit here and start writing the research proposal for my Research Methodology subject. But plans would remain as plans if one does not put them into execution. And right now, I am typing away some futile notes to fill up my precious time.

Emily Post said that manners are sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use.

I figured there are few basic deportment to being courteous...

  • If you are asking someone for a favor, you don't have the right to be demanding. Accept what is offered and never boss the person whom you're asking the favor from.
  • Do not use one person (or many) to help another person that you would like or obliged to help.
  • Nothing in this world comes in for free. So always double check with the person you are asking for help if it is okay and if you can do anything to help ease the burden or repay his/her kindness. Chances are, the person would say..'Oh it's okay, really, I am willing to just help...', but still, never forget to perform this check. Show care to the person who has agreed to help you.
  • You cannot hate or accuse someone for being selfish just because he/she can't help you once out of one hundred times.
  • If a person has helped you for too many times for nothing else in return, do not take her/him for granted. You can't ask for too much kindness from one person if you are being so insensitive and oblivious.
Common sense, yes? But sadly, not every human being is born with built-in politeness and good manners in them. Heartbreaking is when some are born with good-looks, but very little decorum. And it is even more tragic to have a not-so-good-looking person to behave in a really bad manner. Tsk, tsk..!

I am not a perfect being. But I try my best to treat everyone with politeness. Even to those who are rude to me - not because they are nice, but because I'm nice. Heheh.. After all, the test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones. Phew...! I don't know how long my patience could last.


Monday, November 24, 2008

The Bell's Curve

Cough. Flu. It has been ages since I last got them. And now that I am down with them again, I simply forgot how to deal with these two rascals.

I am reading Paulo Coelho's Veronika Decides to Die and is loving every word of it. This one's better. And Brida isn't that interesting anymore.

I am having the urge to talk about taboo stuffs. But being taboo, I obviously shouldn't talk nor write about them. At least not on a public blog or on notes application on Facebook where every Tom, Dick and Harry AND every Susan, Jane and Mary were able to read my forbidden thoughts. Because if I did, far too many people will start judging me. I do not want to be put on trial. Therefore, I shall shut up.

I was trying to figure out where I fit in among the population of ordinary people. They who have conventional thoughts and not some absurd ideas. They who think and operate to conform to society's demand and expectation. And even if conforming doesn't make them happy, they make themselves believe that they are happy. My illustration of where I am in the Bell's curve below...


I have a feeling that I am conjuring up a mess. I'll stop now before it gets worse. Need to go read some academical resources in order to dismiss Coelho's influence in my head and join that 68% majority of the population. Yawn! How boring...

Saturday, November 15, 2008

The Dog-Theory

It's a slow and quiet weekend. Sarah is taking her usual late afternoon nap. And here I am, wasting the hour before the Feather Boas meet up again later this evening.

I talked to Ida for long hours last Thursday and was mesmerized by some dog-theory.

Ida said....: A dog will stay obedient to his owner despite his ill treatment because they think that that's the only owner that he has. But we are human, and we are the owner of ourselves.
A kid will stay with his parents even if his parents abuse him because that is the only parents he knows and we dont have the liberty of choosing our parents, but we do have the liberty to choose our partner, our life and our path.
And today, I am strucked by the idea of wanting to be a child once more. Generally because skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.
It's raining outside now and Sarah will sleep longer than she promised me. So I'm gonna make her take her ass out of the couch. Right now!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Last Chance for Miss Cockroach

The new semester has begun. And it'll be my last one. Hopefully. If the school does its job proper and work on offering the two extra subjects that I need. Or else I'll be doomed with just two subjects instead of four. Doomed because this means that I will have to take the other two subjects in the next semester, thus delaying my graduation and, more money thrown in the direction of the school too (exactly what I thought the school has in their agenda - to maximize their revenue from the students. Ah, these motherfuckers..!).

It is not easy to find someone with a totally open-mind. Sarah and I agreed on this one fortnight ago.

How can we truly define 'open-mind'?

Last two weeks, over our breakfast/brunch chat at home, we found that most people misunderstood the definition. In general, most people think that one who indulges in smoking, drinking, gambling and other worldly 'fun' activities is one with an open-mind. Consider this statement from someone I know..

"..I am sure she is an open-minded person, considering that she smokes and have fun drinking in clubs..."

This is indeed, one very shallow judgment.

Having an open-mind should be about having the ability and capacity to accept others in every single way. It is about the ability to listen to the opinions of others and even if their notions differ from ours, we are still able to live with it and wont hate the person for who he is and what his gray matter is made of.

Being open-minded should be about celebrating differences. And even if you are different from us, we love you nevertheless.

Alright now. My lentil seeds have finally arrived. Pearl bought them from a Marks & Spencer store in Aberdeen and I am thinking, how weird...

Thursday, November 06, 2008

A Jar With A Door

Am babysitting the house and the Papa while the rest of the family had a short, 3-day trip to Genting. Saty just had to find reasons to buy Qaseh few pieces of sweaters.

Pearl just came back from Kerteh and will be leaving for Aberdeen this Sunday. And, talking about that, I was suppose to bring back some winter clothing for her...which I forgot. Tsk!

Generally, people are nicer when they are on holidays. If you meet a guy or anyone during their holidays, you can expect him/her to be the perfect being. They are a lot cooler, good-tempered, jovial, funny and stress-free. Not to mention that they will be a lot more romantic too.

I miss that sweet, perfect being.

Other than that, I have nothing more to say...Or maybe I have more to say but just chose not to.

Time for a quick nap now before the evening commence. Will meet Sarah in Desa View tonight (excited!). School will start again next week and I am determined to be more organized this final semester. I refuse to be labeled 'unorganized' by some people!

P/s: Obama won the US presidential election and Kenya declared two days of public holiday. Just the reaction I would expect by Malaysia too if Obama was half, or quarter, or even one tenth Malaysian. No kidding! We Malaysians are generous enough to even give the Datukship title to Shah Rukh Khan.