All these while I've been telling myself not to believe in love. For to me, love isn't real. It doesn't exist. It is totally fake. I don't see love as love. I see it as a sense of familiarity. But could that feeling be real after all?
After a series of bad experiences, I've told myself if I ever have a boyfriend again, I will not love too hard. However, that is the one thing you'll forget once you're in a relationship. At times you just can't help it.
I'm a little scared now, cause I'm starting to realize that the wall I've been building all these while is showing cracks. Huge cracks. I think it's about time to do some serious patching. Wall should never go down. If it does, I'm going to get hurt like many other times before. And I, certainly do not want to go there again. I'm just so scared, so terrified and so..., twisted.
Today the weather was cloudy. Everything's so gray. I'm in bed most of the time, crying, sleeping, get up to drink some water and went back to bed. Yeah, I have that much time to waste. Call me a psycho or whatever, I'm just telling the truth, that on certain days, I do feel terrible. I'll be remembering my childhood, playing with my sisters like days won't end. And it'll make me cry knowing the fact that now, everyone has their own separate lives. All of a sudden I feel so lonely, and so lost.
I'm leaving home now. Am going to see mom and then maybe play with the innocent Qaseh for a while. And I'm going to whisper to her, 'Don't you ever wish to grow up quickly little girl. The world is so damn scary, you know..Trust me.'