Another Crying Day

All these while I've been telling myself not to believe in love. For to me, love isn't real. It doesn't exist. It is totally fake. I don't see love as love. I see it as a sense of familiarity. But could that feeling be real after all?

After a series of bad experiences, I've told myself if I ever have a boyfriend again, I will not love too hard. However, that is the one thing you'll forget once you're in a relationship. At times you just can't help it.

I'm a little scared now, cause I'm starting to realize that the wall I've been building all these while is showing cracks. Huge cracks. I think it's about time to do some serious patching. Wall should never go down. If it does, I'm going to get hurt like many other times before. And I, certainly do not want to go there again. I'm just so scared, so terrified and so..., twisted.

Today the weather was cloudy. Everything's so gray. I'm in bed most of the time, crying, sleeping, get up to drink some water and went back to bed. Yeah, I have that much time to waste. Call me a psycho or whatever, I'm just telling the truth, that on certain days, I do feel terrible. I'll be remembering my childhood, playing with my sisters like days won't end. And it'll make me cry knowing the fact that now, everyone has their own separate lives. All of a sudden I feel so lonely, and so lost.

I'm leaving home now. Am going to see mom and then maybe play with the innocent Qaseh for a while. And I'm going to whisper to her, 'Don't you ever wish to grow up quickly little girl. The world is so damn scary, you know..Trust me.'

Losing Head

I met her again after two years. She is as slim as she has always been, with more than enough assets. And I'm way, way fatter than she is, obviously. She's the same crazy, cool girl I've always known. Glad you didn't change, babe!

Met her in Mid Valley, talked and talked to catch up on two years lost. The absent-minded me, however, after all that heavy conversation, couldn't find where I parked my car. We spent about half an hour, milling around the parking bays before I finally found my my little Lisa (Kelisa). Sorry babe, I am not usually such an idiot. Hehe..But thanks for driving around for like, more than 7 times..?

She lent me a book titled 'I Am Muslim' which I am sure will be a good read. I read the synopsis and it is about the ironies, foibles and follies of ordinary Muslims in Malaysia. I shall now put my 'MBA For Dummies' aside for a day or two. Gotta focus on this one. And thank you Farisha for the evening. It was all aces!

Those Good Old Days?

I remember those good old days when those technology called mobile phones and internet do not exist. The only way for us to get in touch with someone was either by calling them on their house phones, writing them snail mails or by showing up in front of their house, if you know where they live.

I recall waiting for my parents to come home from work in agony at home when I was in primary school. Those days, office numbers were strictly meant for business and everyone understood that when you're at work, you shouldn't be attending to personal calls unless it's really a matter of life and death. Though that rule still vaguely exists in the current office policy, I am almost certain that it is being ignored by most people. And thanks to mobile phones, taking personal calls when you're suppose to be at work and working just got easier.

I too, remember during my teenage years, those few times when I was going out, like, konon-konon on a date or merely meeting up with friends. We will normally set the place and time for us to meet up maybe a day or two before the outing. And on that day itself, we might or might not show up or sometimes showed up late. The most irritating part is actually waiting for that person to make his/her appearance. It's great if they showed up, and if they don't, they just don't. I've had my share of being stood up and I had also been guilty for not showing up; but most of the time, I just showed up late. Heheh..

Technology obviously arrives with their pros and cons. We all know what good it does, enough has been said by aplenty. I, on the contrary would like to dispose my thoughts on the bad vibes they give.

Lost of Privacy
Apart from having our children, husbands/wives, boyfriends/girlfriends, mom, dad, pak ngah and mak long calling us in the office, our employers now call us to discuss about work stuffs on our off days and vacation days like as if we didn't labored ourselves enough. Marketers call us up to sell us things over the phone irregardless of the time and irregardless of what we're doing at the moment. And we are obligated to answer all that phone calls or get remarks like..'tak tau jawab phone ke die ni?' or 'tak tau pakai handphone tak yah pakai la..'. You know, those kind of statements, which I'm sure some of you may have experienced, and again, some may even have been guilty of having committed such abomination. Kan?

Lost of Manners
Because we are now, bit by bit losing our privacy, we have become more self-centered and more barbaric. If we can't have privacy on our own time at our own place, we shall now bring that privacy we need out into public. Thus, we talk on our mobile phones while walking (not a pretty sight, I have to say) and we fiddle with our phones (be it smsing or just playing games) when we're out having lunch in the company of others (which I think is utterly rude). We chat on our phones, in the presence of others for hours, leaving the other party terpinga-pinga sorang-sorang tak tau nak buat ape, while probably telling themselves...'macam ni lebih baik aku keluar sorang-sorang.' Right?

Lost of Security
Believe it or not, but we are losing our sense of security and trust towards others because of them fucking mobile phones. Now we are more agog to be checking on people everywhere they go at all times. Don't forget too, that we have become more vulnerable to having our boyfriends/girlfriends, husbands/wives calling us time and time again to check if we really are at the place we claimed to be and with the people we're supposed to be with. And on the new 'friend finder' thingy the service providers came up with, more spies and Mr/Miss Nosy Parkers spawned. Then, we reasoned to ourselves; that all those checking ups were in the name of love and care for our loved ones, whether or not they are safe and sound. To me, those reasons is full of absurdity! Maybe not a hundred percent, but still crappy for most of it.

No doubt that that technology is wonderfully amazing and benevolent. I, for an instance, is a user, a victim and a villain all rolled into one. Mobile phones has put a stop to 'time wastage'. And yes, a lot of time has been wasted on waiting, back in those days. But we indeed learned a thing or two. Not only we learned to keep our promise (at least most of the time), but we also learned to respect the privacy of others.

Of My Gastronomy

Those few short times when I was away from home for work and holiday, I've always miss one big thing about Malaysia. The food.

I'm not picky nor fussy when it comes to food. My favourite is normally simple and cheap. Yeah, I'm a cheapskate, but I like the food that I like because they're tasty. I don't care if it's cheap.

Expensive food doesn't always taste good but I feel like I am always forced to say that they're delectable because they come with a price that burn a hole in your pocketses. So better say the food is wow than stoop and cry over them pocketses, right?

The Food I Love..

Other than the usual mom's cooking and the daily Malaysian cuisine which is rice, sambal belacan and what not, I will occasionally crave for banana leaf rice served at Kanna Curry House.

Or I would also drool over a bowl of Szechuan beef noodle from a Chinese restaurant in SS2. I haven't had this for quite some time now. I think it's about time to grab some company and gobble down a bowl or two. Johar, if you're reading this, are you game?

There is also Ampang Yong Tau Foo yang sangat 'stim' bile dimakan. And the best thing is because Ampang Yong Tau Foo is now in Puchong, so it is more accessible to me. Yay...!

Mmm..okay I'll give some credit to the classic nachos from Chilli's since it is also my favourite.

Of course there's always the chilli crab from Fatty Crab and octopus ball from Tako Tao. Plus the cream puffs from Beard Papa's..and crispy fried chicken from Shihlin and grill escargot with cheese from anywhere. And at the moment, I feel like downing some chai latte from Dome's. Haven't had that for weeks now. I once tried the one from Coffee Bean tapi tak sedap. Too milky rather than spicy. Very wrong. Uh-uh!


The Food I Miss..

I still miss the crispy fried chicken from the streets in Shihlin, Taipei. Eventhough I can now get them from One Utama Old Wing, tapi tak same macam makan sambil berjalan-jalan kat pasar malam.

The night market food in Taipei was simply fantabulous. I can't help but miss the smelly tofu and the fried mushroom. Oooh...!

I fancy the original briyani from Student Briyani. Some people might think Karachi is dirty, but I love the briyani. And the masala tea with fresh cow's milk.

A green tea latte in the morning would also be nice.

What I would like to say now is that I didn't get enough churros. I had one at Santa Monica and I want more. I should have eaten more. And now I have to browse the net to look for its recipe and see if it is not too hard for me to make some. Damn you, you...,churros!

And oh! The sweet indulgence of baklava..I want that too!

Flavour Of The Decade

I think Bobby Chinn is sooo..fucking, HOT!

I love that tall, lanky figure and that rough, muffled voice.

I took delight in watching him smile on that show of his; World Cafe Asia and at the way his lips pucker as he speaks.

There's something about those droopy eyes, crow's feet at the corner and all. And look at that widow's peak hairline..Awesome, don't you think?

He is the kinda guy who could wear a frown and still look fabulous. I mean, look at him... Just. Look. At. Him.

This dude is the bomb! MY kinda BOMB! Yeah!