Sunday, December 03, 2006

O' Pregnant Moms

This is strictly for the ladies...

I have never bore a child, even at this age when I should have. But I'm cool with that cos I've seen many girls, women, ladies who are pregnant and most of them are not pretty sights. Say, what kind of a 'pregnant mom' you people were or what kind will you be if you are pregnant?

This year, for the first time ever in my life, I would say, I watched someone very dear getting all bloated up so beautifully right before my eyes. And as I sit here thinking of why she is so different from all the other pregnant mothers out there, I discover a few points of variance.

Therefore, soon-to-be-mommies, bolehlah mengikut petua-petua di bawah sekirenye anda mahu kelihatan 'maintain' dan cantik walaupun perut anda semakin membusung.

Tips 1 - People often lied, saying that pregnant ladies will have their own sexy, radiant glow when they are pregnant. Ini semua memang tipu semate-mate. Yes, the mommy's face do get slightly pink especially on the nose tapi hanye disebabkan oleh kebengkakkan body parts that causes the blood to flow more to those sites. Jadi, walaupun hidung anda kembang dan merah, ibu-ibu sekalian, tolonglah jangan cepat berpuas hati yang anda sudah cantek. Please do a favour for your fellow colleagues and all the civillians you bump into everyday when you go out, by plastering some make-up on your face. Pakailah at least sedikit make-up walaupun anda konon2nye adelah natural beauty la sebelum ni tak pakai make up pun cantik..(haaaark tuiii...!). Jadi silelah sorokkan muke anda yang berkilat-kilat dan kembang mekar untuk suami di rumah saje (jike suke, karena suami pun akan fed-up kalau melihat muke kembang itu setiap hari selame 9 bulan, hehe..)

Think About It! : There is no such thing like..'I look better without make-up'. Cos I believe wearing make-up is suppose to enhance your features to make you look good. Kalau anda ever come across this statement or you yourself are making this statement, maksud tersiratnye ialah samaade anda tak reti pakai make-up atau orang yang me'make-up'kan anda memang bute colour.

Tips 2 - Reorganize your wardrobe carefully. Nobody look pretty in the old fashion, umbrella cut, calf length maternity clothings. Nope, you won't look cute either. 'Cute' is meant for the baby, not for you. Understand that, please. There's nothing wrong with dressing up just the way you were before when you are not pregnant. Boleh pakai mini skirt juge kalau suke. Cume kalau kaki sudah sebesar kaki hippopotamus, you can try to forget it la kot...Just wear what you would normally wear, in plus size. Mesti ade saiz yang muat sebab kalau tak kesian la orang-orang yg kurang slim, mane diorang cari baju, kan? Tanyelah pade rakan-rakan yang berbadan agak besar, kat mane diorang cari baju. Kalau susah-susah sangat, pakai je la baju kurung, tapi pakai la baju kurung yang cantik-cantik juge..okeh?

Tips 3 - Once you are done with your face and your clothes, it's time to make pretty all the smaller things like your hair and your shoes. Okay, hair. Do your hair to suit your 'kembang' face. Ape-ape la janji the hair look nice on you, neat and well-kept. Because most of us are not Claudia Schiffers or Kate Beckinsales, make jangan sekali-kali menoncit rambut secara serabai-natural-dudukrumah style. Remember that! Next, shoes. Find shoes that are both flattering and comfortable to complement your attire. Janganla atas dah cantek-cantek, kasut pakai kasut makcik. Well, not unless you are a real 'makcik', I'll excuse you. Surely there are shoes comfortable enough to be worn by someone pregnant and yet still trendy somewhere out there, kan? Takkan takde kot, makcik...?

Think About It! : Will the real 'makcik' please stand up? I would sure love to meet you. Maybe we can have an interview or something..

Tips 4 - When you already have a lovely, comfy pair of shoes, it's time to brush up the way you walk. The typical way of walking for most pregnant mommies ialah dengan satu tangan memegang bahagian pinggang, near the spine, sambil berjalan mengengkang-ngengkang. Tangan yang sebelah lagi, kalau bebas tak memegang ape-ape, mestilah dibuai-buaikan mengikut pace berjalan anda. NO! NO! NO! Mommies, don't do this. Don't EVER do this! Whatever reasons you come up with for walking that way, it is unacceptable. I've seen those who walked well during pregnancy. Many of them walked as they would have normally walk on the non-pregnant phase of their lives. So walk properly, please..with beauty and pride. The only reason why you don't walk proper is because you just looooove being a 'makcik'.

Think About It : A lot of people are into being 'makcik' even when they are suppose to be 'cik'. Why, people? Why?

Tips 5 - And do watch your etiquette too. I've seen pregnant ladies who show their huge tummies to people around them. The problem is, takde orang mintak pun nak tengok perut die. Bukan sahaje perutnye besar sebab ade baby dalam duduk, malah hitam dan berbulu pule di bahagian pusat. Again, save your belly for those closest to you or those who asked to look at it. Then, lactation. Another yucky problem only for your pregnant self to know, not the public. If you are the type who lactates a lot, make sure you pad your tits with adequate amount of tissues, towels or sanitary pads if need be. Try not to walk around with wet patches on your clothes di bahagian tetek, it's too much!!

So try to bear those tips in mind, pregnant mumsies, or remember it the next time you get yourself pregnant. Be pregnant with style. Be classy. Have some dignity.

"I will never kiss nor smell someone else's newborn baby delivered the normal way. Indirectly, it is like I'm sniffing that somebody else's pussy. Eeww.., I only dare kiss the baby when he/she is at least a month old. By then, the odor of the mom's cunt would have faded." - Saty

6 comments:

Azila said...

Haha...cute article Ty...It's true that pregnant ladies can look their worst n hoping that people will forgive them because of the extra luggage.Another thing i couldn't stand is those mothers who breastfed their babies infront of the whole world, like at berbuka puasa kat hotel..like hello? U wanna show ur tits around ker? Breastfeeding is very noble but find the right place la or hide at corners, nie depan2x orang nak tunjuk kehebatan sebagai seorang ibu *sigh*. For God sake, my hubby can see her tits ...errkkk....

P/S: Hey, my baby's born through caesarean, maybe Saty would like to kiss him one day :)

Tyiara said...

*stretching out + yawning*..thanks for starting my day off with a really good article. You should be a stand-up comedian.

Tyiara said...

nanah...aku call kau pagi besok...jgn tido..aku nak details utk flight korg...

intan siza said...

OMG!!! sis ty... damn good one!! nasib baik le..i tak termasuk dlm your list tuh. i cried every morning infront of the almari from months 1-4 of my pregnancy sbb takut i wont look good time pregnant (silly!) damn!! but i looked pretty tho..ahahah..anyway i survived tru it.. and after i got adam..i rasa i bertambah lawa.. (just to prove that i can still be a hot babe even dah ade bb) ahahahah... mind you..i've got new ideas what to bebels plak in my blog!! i'll write about my pregnancy experience la... thanks to u!!!

Achique said...

Ayoyoo Ty...aku agree ngan Pearl that you should be a stand-up comedian. You have good material. Miss you babe.

Ty said...

Ila,
Err..very exhibitionist, that lady. I would have eyed her tits if I see one. Can't help it.

Pearl,
Asyik tido je kau nih..Yela, yela aku tak tido la esok.

Intan,
You are still hot, no doubt. So stay that way!

Ima,
Miss you lots too. 'Twas always good to chat with you.