I'm A Broken Machine

I want to be right but I don't want to be righteous. As much as possible, I will only give my opinion and hardly any advice. I am not a goody-two-shoes and I am far from being pious.

I believe in understanding what we are doing rather than just being ritualistic and not understanding anything. I hate doing something just because everyone else is doing it and I need to do the same in order to look 'normal' or 'good' in their eyes. 

Like for example, let's say I got myself married to a jerk and later realize that I need to get a divorce. But divorce is considered a bad thing to many people and the title 'janda' is also not a pleasing status to my community. So now, how do I decide? Should I continue being married to a jerk and please the people? Or should I just trash him from my life? Believe it or not, many people out there would rather please the community than themselves. They'd rather be 'normal' and 'good' to the others than to themselves. Poor thing, huh?

And then there is this issue about self-righteous people. Like, dia je lah yang betul, orang lain buat semuanye salah or something like that. They looooovvvveeeee giving advice. Even if you don't ask for it. They adore playing 'kakak'/'abang' and are constantly trying to correct you in every way possible. It won't be long when you would feel like you are a broken machine, in constant need of fixing. What they don't realize is that they are trying to turn you into them, which they assume as how an 'ideal' person should be. Just like them. 

Example again, I know someone who is constantly criticizing and correcting other people's children. You'll hear them say...'haaa..anak si anu tu memang dah tak boleh nak diselamatkan dah...dah lior (liar) sangat....' - tapi anak dia macam setan die tak perasan la pulak kan..?

There was this another instance when I was working on my first job after I graduated from college. It was one lunch time when I asked one of the auxiliary police in my office for a favour - belikan aku roti untuk lunch. This police guy has a habit of claiming excess overtime pay even if all he does during those overtimes was merely sleeping or talking on the office phone. Other than that he is also the type whom I would call, 'pretending to be religious'. 

So, I asked for his help to get me some bread. When he finally came back, he gave me the bread and the balance of my money, RM2. So I told him, 

'Cik Mat (bukan name sebenar), takpelah RM2 ni cik Mat simpan jelah. Terima kasih sebab tolong belikan.' 

Honestly I would have been okay if he didn't want the money and just say so, but instead, he said...

'Eh janganlah macam tu, duit ni kalau kamu haramkan nanti haramlah kalau jadik darah daging saya...'

I was stunned upon hearing that! I mean why the hell would I haramkan? Didn't I already tell him that it's okay to take the money? Ape duit aku tu die consider haram ke? Adekah die ingat aku ini bekerja di office ni sebagai stripper?

So I said this in retaliation,

'Cik Mat, kalau RM2 ni nak kire haram, macamane pulak dengan duit claim overtime yang beratus-ratus kasik makan kat anak bini? Padahal bile overtime bukan buat keje pun. Tak haram ke duit tu?'

With that, I could see his face flushed and he kept his mouth shut. I then left the scene. 

I'm not asking for much here, only for people to think before they vomit any advice or words of 'not-so-wisdom' to other people. Try not to speak as though you are an infallible person because chances are, you are not infallible. Not you, not me. In fact, none of us are. So fix yourself before you try to fix others. Can?