Shrink Wanted

What do you have to say to someone who feel like throwing up everytime he/she is getting ready for work? Or are you actually one of the people who actually feel that way everytime or every other time you get into that office attire or uniform in your attempt to go to work? I'm one of them.

I gravely think there is something wrong with me. I know I hate my current job and I know that that is the major issue for how I am acting lately, when I know I'd be working this unendurable job in the next 24 hours. I am so unmotivated and it felt strange cause this is not how I usually am.

This job, I've been in it for slightly over a year now. And hell, I've tried everything to make me love it. I even came up to a point where I would tell myself repeatedly out loud that 'I LOVE THIS JOB'. It seems to be alright at first but now it's getting worse. I love meeting people, yes I do, and after much thinking, perhaps I dislike the people* (people* - as in fellow colleagues, the nasties, the braggers, the know-it-alls, the me-superior-me-better) in this job more than the job itself. I simply DO NOT understand why some boys and girls could die and cry to be in this line. It's pathetic.

I have been working since I was 13. Doing part-time neighbourhood tuition and later on when I hit 18, I filled up my free time working as promoter for various roadshows and product launchings till my final semester in college, where after that I finally get a decent office job upon my graduation. I've had my share of times doing the not so glamour and not so mind-boggling works but I still manage to get a good amount of satisfaction out of those jobs. At least I don't feel like a crap I am nowadays. Think I might as well list out what I despise about this horrid, pitiful post as an air-bimbo... :

1. Working with multi-type morons. Statistically, about 70 percent in the field is of this kind. And I hate working with them. It gives me brain-sore.

2. People becomes mechanical. There's no human touch among employees or between management and employees. Someone get sick, send e-mail companywide. Someone does a good job, send e-mail companywide. Someone screw-up, punish. Someone is different from another, make them the same.Not personalised. Humans are not treated as an individual person but a generic item.

3. Time consuming. Very. I hate the fact that I am wasting my time sitting in the van to go to work. Wasting my time on a long flight, when all tasks are completed and yet you can't do anything productive but gabbing. Reading is not allowed during work. So, if it's your lucky day, you'll get to gab with that 30% type or else you're just stuck with, MORONS!

4. I don't like getting to know people for just a matter of a few hours or maybe just a few days (just because you have to work with them). You won't get much out of it. There's no proper connection. I love people and I love getting to know others, but not this way. Established connection is more of my kind. I don't believe in touch-and-go.

5. Living out of the suitcase. Tiring. Not comfortable. Don't want it anymore. I would prefer resting in my own nest, the one without air-condition,without water heater, without duvet or carpet or bathtub. My own dwelling is still my first choice of a 5-star resort. It is personalised, it has my smell. Plus, I can do more valuable activities at home.

6. Standby duty makes me sick and miserable. I hate waiting. I hate the fact that I can't plan ahead. I hate living life by the hour waiting on my hand and foot. Not knowing what's coming or what's not coming. I can't do it. It's tormenting.

7. Living life by the month. Nothing more. Can't plan the future. Again, can't plan ahead. That's how it is. Live monthly via tabulated schedule. Every month is a different story and there's no way you can tell if you'll be around for your next birthday or your loved ones'. I am all tangled!
8. And many, many other reasons that is just so unspeakable over this blog.

Alright, maybe I'm a little bit too much, because as apalling as the job can be, and no matter how wickedly I detest it, it still puts food on 'MY' table. That, I am still grateful to the great Lord. Part of it is because I plainly had no choice. I can't leave till the bonding period is over. And on another, I know I have given my best at work, well at least to the passengers. I gave my best to my fellow colleagues too, but somehow some might think that 'best' is not good enough or maybe they have a totally different definition of that simplistic word. Hmm..., maybe this is why I'm feeling so tensed up. Maybe I tried too hard to please others and to have others have the choicest impression of me. Hmm..., maybe..

Now what I am trying to tell you, is that this job I'm having right now is worse than bad sex. Even bad sex can be recovered by masturbating. This job? Uh-uh. No way you can masturbate your way through. This one career..; honestly, I don't even think it deserves to be classified that way. Career? Heck it is not! But nevermind. I shouldn't be emotional, but maybe I should, or else I'm gonna be a more deranged person than I already am. If I offended some people with this one, I guess, I'm sorry, but I don't fucken care! Hey,this is my blog and I write what I wish to. So write your own if you're unsatisfied, or curse me in the comments column. Go ahead and do it.

P/s : After much of the above bellowing, I still think that I need a shrink. Or at least a handsome doctor. Smile! Owh.., how I wish I could cry..